Exhausted and depleted she approached the corner and laid her eyes on the street sign. Ah, recognizable; new but oddly familiar. The t-t-t-t-t in her chest mixed of apprehension and pull. Pull prevailed and she purposely turned her toes toward the tower in her sights.
The sound structure was much taller than she expected, more sturdy than what she had heard or imagined. She breathed an anxious breath - but it was unworthy of what stood before her. For she now recognized her anxiousness for the traitor that it was. She had befriended anxiety when she was lost some dark miles before. Anxiety had approached and offered its cautions and redirects, claiming to keep her safe from harm. Liar.
It was as if the tower, though still a ways ahead, was reaching out to her, but with the intention of receiving, not grabbing. The decision to move forward, or not, was hers alone.
The tower was just - there. It had always been there, waiting.
She looked behind and surely enough, the darkness was still there also. For a moment the darkness behind called out to her with familiarity and its lies. While familiar and deceitfully comforting, the mere thought of retreating made the t-t-t-t-t in her chest go flat. Pangs of wretchedness and unworthiness waxed over her heart and threatened to set but not before she breathed a defiant breath and returned to her tower view. Anxiousness would not have its way once more, it was finished. The tower's brilliance drowned out the darkness that was and illuminated her path ever more clearly. There was now only one direction in which to go.
Her walk, which had been slow and reluctant for so long, now quickened and the path passed under feet with effortless ease and intention. She met the protective steps of the tower doubled over and gasping - drawing in deep, cleansing breaths of joy that filled her being with.........it was beyond words. She navigated the steps two by two and launched herself into the door with a knock. All at once the past and the present combined into one and there she stood, ready to lovingly receive herself. She fell into the secure embrace of self-acceptance, love, and worthiness, and she never let go.
It was then that she realized that the t-t-t-t-t was the sound of her own heart drum guiding her home, and in the times in her life when she could not hear it, she had been going in the wrong direction.
"The time will come when, with elation, you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror, and each will smile
at the other's welcome."
- Derek Walcott
Amy Hallagan is an LCSW, personal coach, and the owner of Exubero, Llc, Coaching & Personal Development, in Loveland, Colorado. Amy is most passionate about helping people with high sensitivity to create truly meaningful lives rooted in their unique strengths, skills, values, passions, and purpose. Connect with Amy by emailing her at firstname.lastname@example.org, or through her website, www.exuberocoaching.com. Subscribe to her blog here.